Relocation

Things have been pretty crazy here the last few months. My heart problems got worse, I had emergency surgery to have a defibrillator implanted. Mack got very sick with terminal bone cancer & we're in the last weeks with him (if we're lucky we may have as much as a few more months--please keep your fingers crossed).

I am currently posting on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/vintageflapper/ If you're on Twitter, feel free to come friend me, as that's probably where I'll be posting updates in the future.

Thanks.

Romp Session

I'm getting ready to work 16 to 18+ hours out of a 23 to 25 hour span but, first, some fun with Streak and Clara Bow in the backyard:

The girls were a bit too spazzy for Mack's taste, so he declined to join in on the romp session and, instead, acted as audience with me.

Now I'm off to work like crazy, then sleep a ton....to be followed on Wednesday morning by a puppy playdate with our friend Lauren and her dog, Abby. It'll be a busy few days! More later in the week including, hopefully, some playdate pictures....

Scheduling Woes

I really love my job, but one aspect of it really frustrates me; scheduling issues. My boss is a lovely man, and excellent at most aspects of his job, but scheduling is not his strongest point. Add into the mix the fact that many of my coworkers have specific requests he has to work with/work around and that means that those of us with open availability tend to suffer and get stuck with some poorly spaced shifts. I'll give you the next few days worth of schedule as an example:

Friday: Leave home at 10:55 AM for bus, shift is 12 PM to 8:30 PM. Bus home at 9:26 PM, arrive home at 9:55 PM (approx)

...then 7 and a half hours later....

Saturday: Leave home at 5:30 AM, walk to work, shift is 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM. Bus home at 4:26, arrive home at 4:55 PM (approx.)

....try to get tons of sleep and do all the chores like make a batch of food for the next few days, showering, make bread, etc., because:

Sunday: Leave home at 10:30 AM for bus, bus gets me to work at 11:04, shift is 12 PM to 8:30 PM (busses are only once an hour on weekends and evenings). Nicole picks me up and drives me home, home at approx. 8:50 PM.

...eat quickly and then immediately try to take a nap because less than 6 hours later....

Monday: Leave at 1:40 AM when co-worker picks me up for our inventory shift. Inventory is scheduled from 2 AM to 10 AM, however it usually runs longer....my last inventory shift had me working until 12:15 PM. It looks like I am probably going to be working the grocery department this inventory after all, and they've cut one of the people they usually have working inventory, so we will have less people working and it will be a grueling shift.

I had thought to try to switch my Sunday hop shift (giving people breaks) with the girl doing the 9 AM hop shift, however realized that keeping my schedule as it is would be better. The first bus on Sunday does not arrive until after the 9 AM shift is scheduled to start, therefore I would have to leave the house at 7 AM and walk in. With as much walking as I've been doing this week, adding an additional walking shift would not be a good idea. Also, having a longer period of uninterrupted sleep at normal sleep times (i.e., overnight) would be preferred to having more time between my Sunday and Monday shifts. I've tried sleeping between these shifts and am never very successful at sleeping. Usually I get an hour or two of sleep, and that's all I can manage.

Most of the people working inventory have the day prior to inventory off altogether, however I am one of the few who is working both Sunday and Inventory Monday, just my luck. My boss did try to make up for this by giving me Tuesday off as my one day off work this upcoming week (I am working a 6 day work week for some overtime $ so I won't have to use my entire amount of birthday gift money on bills and will be able to spend $40 or $50 on myself). I know I will be so tired Tuesday after this past work week that I will probably spend most of the day sleeping...

That said, I better dash and get ready for today's shift. I will be online sparingly for the next week+ due to a very busy work week, so don't be surprised if I'm kinda quiet online for the next bit.

I will leave you all with one of the few pup pictures I've taken recently....here's Clara Bow showing her party trick skills in the backyard yesterday:



Such a talented little girl.

Playmobil Goodness

My birthday is next month and, is customary, my mother sent me a birthday check so I can pick my own birthday presents. Part of the check has to go towards boring things, like buying heartworm meds for the dogs, but I am allowed to use part of it for "fun" purchases.

Given the recent influx of awesome characters over at Playmobil I am thinking of using some of the money to purchase new Playmobil figures for use in this year's Demented Nativity Scene. We haven't decided on a firm theme yet, but are toying around with the idea of a "Partying Like It's 1999 With the Christ Child and Family" theme and having a generally rocking house party (err....castle party?) with the Playmobil folk.

That said, here are some of the new figures which are on the short list for purchase....and, yes, I am incredibly immature, but I absolutely adore my Playmobil folk and eagerly look forward to my annual nativity scene extravaganza with them. Here are the most probable purchases for our Playmobil stash:



Awesome Roman family!



A pink haired fairy with a wicked cool dress. Looking at this toy, it appears the wings are removable, so I'm thinking donate the wings to some more prosaic character and keep her as a pink haired lady with a single shouldered 80s dress?



Excellent Masai Warrior.



Gauls!!



Ancient Egyptian family.



Wicked cool dwarves.



Cossack soldier. 'Cause everyone needs a Cossack.



Awesome Asian family. Look at that cool shirt on the mom! And her awesome red shoes!

I wish I had more money and could afford such luxuries as a Roman Chariot, or the circus dog act set, but we'll have to stick with the generally much cheaper add ons like the above characters.

Things Are Turning Around

After the the spectacularly crappy first part of 2009, I was pretty down in the dumps. It's hard to keep a smile on the face and remain optimistic when you get hit with a lot of hard and stressful stuff for over 6 months straight. That said, I've had signs over the last week that my fortune may be changing, and things may become a little less stressful/difficult over the next few months. I know it's a bit early to say, unequivocably, that things will get better, but the signs are pointing in the optimistic direction. Here are the positives from the last week that have cheered me up:

• We've been told we're preapproved for the manditory mortgage refi. I won't believe we actually get it until we're in the office signing all the papers, as the financing company and the co-op to condo conversion folk have tried to throw as many twists into this whole process as they possibly could, but hearing that was a big relief.
  
  
• We're close to the co-op to condo conversion date, and that means this mess which has taken up so much of my time and energy this year, and caused so much grief, will soon be over. A couple of weeks ago they set the dates for the conversion as mid to late August. We haven't heard any changes to that timeframe yet, and the dates are rapidly approaching, making me think that we may actually be finalizing this whole process within the month. What a relief.
  
  
• My eye infection seems to be over, and my viral bug is mostly done....I'm still super exhausted and run down, but the worst seems to be over for those two.
  
  
• I was named outstanding team member for my department again (I believe this is the 4th month that's happened). I also scored 100% on a Mystery Shop which was done at my store, and received particular commendation on the shopper's write up of their visit. These two feats netted me $35 in store gift cards, allowing me to splurge and buy some goodies (along with the prosaic local produce, yogurt, milk and eggs I had been planning to buy). I'm mostly living off my food storage right now, with supplemental purchases of staples (too poor at the moment due to medical bills, so I have to do some living out of the pantry for a bit), so it was a real mood booster to be able to buy a Santa Claus melon, some Wensleydale with Cranberries cheese, and some Spillson's rice pudding.
  
  
• My mom has booked a flight and will be out to visit in September. I haven't seen her for a year, so to have the dates set and the ticket purchased is great. I may be a grown up, but I've had a crappy year and have just really wanted my mom to be here many times over the last few stressful months.
  
  
• I accrued a paid day off on my last check and am planning to put in a request for a 3 day weekend. I haven't had time off work, other than time off work when I was sick and in bed sleeping 12 or more hours a day, since I was at my last job. It's not a real vacation, but it's close enough to be a real mood booster.
  
  
• The manager of one of the most prestigious, and most difficult to get into departments took me aside and asked me if I'd like to be cross trained in his department. The company would pay for me to get some additional training on things like nutritional supplements, body care, cosmetics, etc., I would get additional knowledge which would allow me to have an advantage towards possibly getting a position in the department if one opened up, and I would gain information which may help me in future job pursuits. Additionally, once I have the basic beginning training they may call on me for occasional shifts in the department, which would be great. He also stated that he'd like me to work on doing inventory in their department--instead of me doing inventory in the more grueling, mindnumbing (and, in the case of work in the frozen department, finger numbing!) grocery department. He's placing a request to have me help them out at the next inventory, which would be sweet. I would still have to work a few hours in grocery, but most of my time would be spent in this department. The inventory work in grocery has really helped me familiarize myself with the products, their locations, what types of items we carry, etc., so doing inventory in this department would help me gain the same knowledge in their department as well.
  
  
• We've received word that our store will soon be starting on profit sharing of our labor surplus. This generally works out to a bonus payment of money averaging out to the equivalent of anywhere from $0.25 to $1 of money earned for every hour worked for the fiscal period. Sometimes it is even more, but usually it averages somewhere in that range. Instead of having the extra money spread out with each paycheck you receive it as a bonus sum, making it a little easier for me, psychologically, to compartmentalize the extra money into "savings" money, allowing me to save towards anticipated extra medical expenses this November when I return to my cardiologist for a follow up and additional testing. We had expected to be profitable enough to be able to share the labor bonus money earlier, but the economy caused us to delay this. As we all knew about the profit sharing when we signed on, and have been eagerly awaiting this money for months, hearing that we'll be getting it for sure has been a big boost. It will amount to anywhere from an extra $500 or so a year to possibly as much as $2,000 extra per year. It all depends on how profitable we are.
  
  
• My first Black Prince tomato is changing color and will soon be a beautiful purply black and ready to eat! The first homegrown tomato of the year is always something to celebrate. And we will soon have delicious tomatoes to purchase at the farmer's market as well. I can't wait. Nicole and I are planning to make and can some of our own tomato sauce with farmer's market tomatoes sometime in the next 2 months. Update: Right after I posted this, I took the dogs outside and found that my archnemisis, Sir Chipmunk, had eaten 1/4 of the tomato in question. ::sigh:: I find it highly infuriating that there appear to be no food safe deterrents that keep chipmunks away. I can keep rabbits and squirrels away, but the chipmunks aren't bothered by anything, not even Streak sticking her snozzle into their territory and sniffing like crazy in hopes they'll come out and she can catch them. I hate chipmunks. With a firey passion.
  
  
• We now have Michigan cherries, Michigan blueberries, Michigan corn, Michigan summer squash, local greens and Illinois peaches available at my work. I hear Michigan peaches will be here soon. Michigan potatoes, hard squash, and apples will be here in another month and a half to two months. I am not a big fan of summer, however I really love the produce this time of year. Michigan is such an excellent agricultural state, so I try to buy most of my produce from in state, but that means you spend months longing for different items that are out of season and for which there are no stored items available. I feel rather as if I've hit the produce jackpot the last couple of weeks.
  
  
• I spent a year on a beta blocker which caused significant weight gain. I've been slowly losing weight since I moved off of that particular beta blocker last August, and I have now lost half of the weight I had gained over that year's time period, with most of that weight loss occurring in the last 3 months. My goal is to try to be back to my more normal size range by Christmas. I really miss being able to wear most of my clothes, and it's depressing to only have a few items which fit.
  
  
• Most of the bad side effects of my newer beta blocker seem to be stabilizing. This is good, as it's the first time that has occurred since I started this medication in May. We are about to increase my dosage again, so the side effects will go wild again soon, but knowing in the back of my mind that this really is only temporary, and that my body will actualy adjust is helpful. It makes the roller coaster of side effects I'll be on the next few months as we slowly build up my dosage amount more bearable to have that memory that I have been more stable, and to know it will be more stable again. I still do not have the increase in energy level many patients report once their body adjusts to the medication, but that may occur once my body has a longer time to stabilize on the final dosage amount. I can't wait until the time when I reach my target dose and my body can adjust. I miss having a life, being able to do things like blog regularly, read and comment on other peoples' blogs, work in the garden more, play with the dogs more, and actually have hobbies and do things, like hang out and socialize with Nicole and my other friends. At the rate we're going I may be able to reach my target dose by October or November, so I may see enough stabilization and adjustment to the medication that I may be able to expect my energy levels to go back up to pre-beta blocker levels as soon as December or January. I seriously cannot wait for that to happen.
  

I hope all is well with you guys and that the summer produce where you live is as excellent as what we're experiencing locally.

Approval...?

We got a rather convoluted e-mail from our mortgage loan officer, the juxt of which is that we're approved for our mortgage. I'm glad, but not letting myself get too happy as, with our luck, we'll get to the closing and find that the loan processor entered a savings figure or income figure amount erronesously or something, and we'll be told "sorry, no, based off your actual income and assets, you are not approved after all." Given how our dealings with the conversion folk and mortgage specialists have been going thus far, I could see that happening at the last minute, therefore I refuse to really, fully believe we're approved and that we'll get to keep our home until we're actually, physically signing the mortgage documents for the manditory refinance & the co-op to condo conversion paperwork is fully complete. At the moment, I am saying a tentative "yay" and trying not to feel too relieved, as it does not seem possible that, after 6 months of hell, things will continue to go smoothly and in my favor. But maybe, hopefully, they will.

Fighting

So, what have I been up to lately? Fighting. A lot of fighting. And, given that I am of a rather pacifistic and friendly nature in general, this has been rather hard for me. I've been fighting against the massive amounts of errors, non-compliance with federal laws, etc., from the companies handling our co-op to condo conversion, especially those companies handling the loan portion. Our loan decision is now technically a week overdue, and they won't tell us if we're approved or not, yet federal fair lending laws required that we be informed of our mortgage application's decision no later than June 12th. It's June 20th, and they still won't tell me if we're approved or not. I have had to file an extensively detailed letter of formal complaint with the board of directors of our housing co-operative. I may be filing formal complaints with the appropriate federal oversight agencies about this as well.

I've been fighting off some viral bug, possibly the flu (again!) for the last week. I also developed a severe eye infection while my body's defenses were off fighting the flu bug, and have to be off work several days while my antibiotics try to kick in and make me look less like some Halloween scary creature and more like a human being. I've spent the last two days sleeping 18 to 20 hours a day and still feel exhausted and want to sleep more. It's obvious that I am still pretty unwell and desperately need the sleep, as my resting heart rate has continued to hang out in the 20 to 30 beats per minute higher than usual range. It's obvious I am still definitely fighting off the illnesses, so sleep is pretty necessary, but I am getting pretty tired of all the sleep and just wish I was better already.

That said, while all this fighting is necessary, it is far too stressful and sucks a lot. Therefore, I won't end this entry with any more talk of fighting but, instead, will end on a very silly note, with my favorite recent bit of funny Engrish:

See? For those who want to know why I don't eat seafood, I think this gives a pretty good idea why I am anti-seafood. You never know when the Iraq government will get mixed up with your seafood, so it's better just to bypass all seafood and stay on the safe side.

That said, I am now off to bed again.

Housing Debacle Continues

I am about ready to tear my hair out in frustration over our housing co-operative's conversion to condos. Pretty much everything that can go wrong has. Delays abound and the latest error is that my name is completely removed from the loan documents. Oh, and the interest rate in said loan docs varies from everything to 6% to 6.875% to 7%. And we're listed as providing over $1200 at closing, even though this is supposed to be a cashless refinance, and we're not supposed to have to pay anything. Also, the conversion & refinance fees are now estimated at $7,000 instead of the $5,100 we'd last been told. We still do not know if we're approved or not, yet we are required to sign inaccurate loan contracts "as a preliminary" and we're supposed to provide more personal documents to the same folk who have already confessed to me that they've lost my application and personal info once before. We'd been told that we'd all save approximately $100 per month with the refinance, but the increase in fees we have to roll into the mortgage is quickly wiping out any potential benefits....it's looking like we'd be lucky if we save $50 per month, and it may not even be that much if the closings are delayed further and we have higher interest rates as a result.

The last several times we have asked when we'll find out if we're approved, our questions have been sidestepped. I just sent an e-mail to the loan officers again asking, point blank, to know when we'll find out if we're approved, and explaining that if we are denied we need enough time to come up with the funds via cashing out retirement accounts, and borrowing money from family who must close CDs, sell stocks, etc. From my understanding of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, one of the provisions therein is that a potential creditor must let you know if you are approved or not within 30 days. Today is the 30 day point, and no one will tell us if we're approved.

I am meeting with my lawyers on Monday afternoon, and I will be discussing this with them, to make sure there isn't some provision specific to mortgages which I am not aware of which would allow them to delay the timeframe in which the mortgage company must let us know the status of our loan. I had heard from a coworker who is also a member of our co-op that she'd been told we'll only have 2 weeks turn around time between when we find out if we're approved or not & when everyone must be converted to a condo (or forced into the "mini-coop" option which results in extra fees and an extra $100 per month in payments, with a provision that you must sell your home and vacate within 2 years). This is unfair as it really does not allow folk enough time to potentially come up with alternate funding (through a different mortgage company, by cashing in stocks/bonds/retirement accounts/etc., or by securing personal loans through family/friends). Plus, I don't see how that can be the case, as my knowledge of/understanding of the consumer protection laws which regulate credit do not allow this (hence my chat with my lawyers to ensure our rights will be covered).

I am in the midst of a span of working 12 out of 14 days straight, so all these housing related headaches couldn't come at a worse time. I really do not have the time or energy to deal with all this. I had last Thursday off, and will have the upcoming Tuesday off, but that is it. Otherwise I will be working solid, a full workday's shift each day, and do not have the time to drop everything so I can yell at the conversion folk and the mortgage people. I barely have time to talk to my roommate & dogs, sleep, shower and eat. I have not had time to socialize (other than popping on Facebook once a day), work in the garden, read my blogs, catch up on the news, engage in any leisure activities other than a little sleep, etc.

This housing debacle is all giving me a pretty grand headache and making me wish I could go to sleep and not wake up until it's sometime in 2010. Other than getting Streak, 2009 has pretty much sucked all around, and I'd gladly sleep through the rest of this year if I could, as I don't foresee it getting any better. I hope all is well with my blog friends, and that everyone else are enjoying their summer more than I.

Quick update

Quick update for y'all. My doctors had to lower my newer medication's dosage back to the original amount temporarily, as I started to get some really bad side effects. The theory is that, hopefully, our 90+ degree temps and heat indices were combining with the usual side effects to provoke extreme stress on my body. I am now working on stabilizing myself back at the lowered dosage, and we'll try raising it again in another week or two during a cooler weather spell and see how things go.

I will be working or in transit to/from work quite a bit the next few weeks. I am projected to work 17 of the next 21 days, with several days requiring me to walk to and/or from work due to hours scheduled and/or no buses on holidays, so I will be online sparingly, mostly to check e-mail, news, weather & check in briefly on Facebook, as I can do that on the breakroom computers during breaks at work (whereas I cannot check in on Blogger there).

I still don't know if we're approved for the manditory refinance of our home which is part of the manditory conversion from co-op to condo. They're now saying "second week in August" which is really frustrating, as this process has been dragging on for months now. Also, we may be required to go through the appraisal process all over again, which is pissing me off. We already did this! If we closed in August, it would be 6 months from the time of our initial, prelimary application to the closing, but I doubt it will be done that soon, as it is being very incompetently handled and people are being cranky butts about all sorts of stupid stuff and not focusing on the important thing; getting this stupid process done and over with. In the meantime, mortgage rates are going up, no one can be locked in on their rates yet, and we're all stressing about this enormous headache of a co-op conversion. Note to anyone considering converting their co-op to a condo; my experience has been nothing short of a headache. Additionally, the conversion company has "lost" my personal information, including SSNs, work history, etc., and cannot find it, so who knows who could have access to it and be trying to ruin my good credit using my personal information.

2009? It Sucks!

We're neary halfway through the year and, I have to say, 2009 has not impressed me a whole lot. I think I'm ready for 2010 already. The one real high point has been getting Streak but, other than that, it's been a pretty bad year all around. I am tired, exhausted and overwhelmed all the time. It's partially complications from all the health issues, and not doing as well as I should, however it's also due in part to the fact that a lot of crap just keeps happening. To give you an idea of what this year has been like, here's a sample of the last four days worth of crap:

• Called co-op's conversion contact person to check on status of our conversion to a condo and to check on the status of our application. We were informed that they ran the application only in Nicole's name (however, they did pull my credit report, too). Was told that we could not apply for a mortgage jointly as we were not a married couple, and two friend cannot do this.
  
  
• I screamed a bunch about discrimination, fair housing acts and threatened to get my lawyers (specialists in real estate law) involved if they tried to pull any of this crap on us. They back pedalled and said that my info was "lost". Was probably somewhere at the main office in New Jersey. My personal information which I had given to them, including Social Security Number, employment history, etc. Everything a scammer would love to have if they wanted to do identity theft and attempt to open credit in my name.
  
  
• Made appointment to officially submit our application to the financing company. That pre-approval application they had us filed previously? It was for no reason. They weren't going to use it, hadn't done anything with the info except pull our credit and lose my info. Had to scramble around to dig out statements, W-2s, info on former employers, etc., to bring info to application.
  
  
• Called Meijer and submitted refill requests through their automated phone system for two prescriptions. I am in the process of trying to get info on how to submit my 90 day prescriptions the doctor just wrote for these two older prescriptions to a mailorder company my insurance company seems to use exclusively (my benefits specialist said any pharmacy could fill 90 day orders, but a survey of local pharmacies shows that is not the case, and we must go through the one company). Unfortunately, our benefits specialist has this info and is on a couple week long vacation, so I have to wait for her return to do this.
  
  
• Went to pick up prescriptions, but was told they only received the request for the one refill (nevermind that the computer was supposed to submit the two as a batched request and had never had problems doing so before). Waited around for them to fill my second prescription.
  
  
• Picked up my two prescriptions and paid the full amount ($60) for them. Went home and, as I had 2 more days worth of pills for both meds, did not open them up at that time.
  
  
• Went to open my pill bottles. Opened Cozaar, the prescription that they'd had to scramble to fill last minute. It had 10 pills in it, but should've been 30. I pay $51 for a 30 day fill of this prescription, so I was pretty stressed. Pulled out the manditory drug information sheet that comes with the prescription. Stapled to the info sheet for my Cozaar was a yellow piece of paper with the following on it:
  

  Sorr for the inconvenience, but we are temporarily short on your medication.

  
  Following that was a list of my name, RX#, the prescription's name and dosage, and the date. Then there wa the following on the form:
  

  We owe you 20 at no charge. The balance should be in by:

  
  Nothing was filled in. After that was a note: "Please call the pharmacy before coming in and bring this slip with you. Thank you." No phone number listed, and the phone number I use is just for the automated system, so I will have to try to find a human contact number on their website. I'm wondering when the pills will be available? Trips to Meijer are not that easy as I do not have a car and either have to pay 1/4 an hour of my pay and spend 2 hours to get it via bus (or walk 6.5 miles round trip), or I have to try to coordinate an overlapping time in my schedule with Nicole, which is not always easy. I think we'll be able to do it on Monday. I hope they have the Cozaar available then.
  
  
• Went to the loan application employment. It was excruciating for me, as I have been a loan officer and if I'd been as much of an incompetent fool as this lady was, I would've been demoted or fired. We had to watch her constantly to make sure she included all info, and had to argue with her a few times to make sure she didn't throw things out in her stupidity. She almost forgot to list $5,000 in one of my retirement accounts in the retirement funds assets section. She almost forgot to list one of my banking accounts (the one with the highest balance, naturally!) in my assets. She used a hunt and peck typing method, but was slow and stared at all the info with an expression rather resembling that of befuddled chicken before slowly entering it on the computer. She kept second guessing what she was doing and double checking, which didn't make us feel any more confident in her limited abilities.
  
  How she handled gathering info for the ECOA reporting on us was like a "how not to do it" lesson. She looked at us sideways and said "you're not Hispanic or anything, are you?" suddenly out of the blue, when we were in the middle of a conversation about how long it would be before we found out of we were appoved or not. It was clear in her mind that she was ignoring our questions and moving on to something else, but her timing of the question made it sound like it'd take longer to process if we were Hispanic. Nicole started to look upset at the question, so I quickly told her "it's for the ECOA reporting", reminding her that I'd told her she'd probably be asking us this info, and she calmed down. If I hadn't been quick on my feet, I think Nicole might've started getting angry at her and denouncing her for discriminating against Hispanic folk.
  
  
• The end result of the application is that we felt a little more likely to be approved, but still not certain. And we still do not know when we'll know if we're approved, how we'll be notified, when we'll know how much our unit is appraised for, when we'll close if we are approved, how much exactly they will roll in as extra fees (last estimate was $5,000), etc.
  
  
• I checked my insurance company's website and found that they're doing an initial refusal of payment for my recent cardiology appointment, my echo, blood tests, etc., and they want to bill me over $2,000 for my routine visit. I need to dig out my notification of coverage from Blue Cross Blue Shield so I can present it to them as proof that there was no lapse in coverage and try to get them to cover part of my costs. If I am lucky and they'll accept it and allow that, as a higher risk individual I am allowed such luxuries as a pneumonia vaccine, monitoring of my blood to make sure my meds aren't messing with my electrolytes, etc., then I will only have to pay....OK, looking it up now....shoot, it's more than I thought! Probably somewhere between 3 weeks and 4 weeks worth of take home pay. I have just over 2 weeks worth of take home pay still stashed in my flexible spending account, so I will only, probably, have to use a week or a week and a half's pay to pay for the rest of it. Once this is all sorted out and paid I will "only" be required to pay for 20% of the costs of any additional, non-prescription, medical stuff required for the rest of the year, as I will have exceeded my $1,300 deductible, and insurance will cover 80% of it.
  
  As I have to do another round of doctor's visits, echos, blood tests, etc., in November, this means I will have to pay somewhere between another week or two weeks of pay for my required contribution on my medical expenses at that time. Given these costs just for routine monitoring of my condition, I am really not sure how I will be able to save up to pay the nearly $5,000 I will have to contribute towards my defibrillator when the doctor deems it necessary to install that. I can not really afford the meds and deductibles and copays as it is. Doing a quick calculation, to pay for my bronchitis and flu treatment, my routine meds necessary to keep me alive and functioning, my two manditory sessions with the cardiologist and all the lovely equipment to monitor my condition and make sure I'm not about to keel over and die, roughly 1/6 of my income after taxes are deducted will go to pay for my medical expenses this year. This is with me skipping the routine doctors visits I should have, not following up on an eye problem I really should get looked at, etc., because all my money has to go to cardiology stuff, etc.
  
  
• In addition to this, in the past four days I've had two episodes of feeling dizzy, lightheaded, unreal, chest pain, nausea and/or extreme sudden fatigue where I was not certain if I'd be able to muster up enough strength and energy to keep standing and working. It sucks that I am paying a couple months worth of income each year for medication and treatment and I am still feeling so damn awful all the time, I'm just also really broke, too, in addition to feeling like crap. I'm having a lot of wild, sudden fantasies of just dropping my meds, discontinuing medical treatment, etc., so I would not be so broke and would not have to deal with both side effects from the meds and feeling like crap from my conditions. Sometimes, lately, it really feels like it might be worthwhile to take the risks and just live my damned life, not be so broke, and be prepared to be trading in a couple extra years of life for less monetary stress, less medicine side effects, less stress surrounding doctors visits, test results, etc. I'd feel like crap, but I already feel that way now. I'd just be feeling a bit worse and be at higher risk for sudden cardiac death from the arrythmias and tachycardia, but I wouldn't be so stressed and broke and constantly, constantly running figures trying to determine how the hell I am going to manage to pay for everything.
  
  Getting another 2 months worth of post-tax pay back each year would allow me to enjoy life a little. Right now I survive, I struggle a lot, I enjoy a few small things, like my dogs or garden, or silly quizes about whether I'm a potato or not on Facebook, but I am overall really not enjoying my life. My life is about making money to pay for medical treatment to extend my life a little longer so I can make money to pay for more medical treatment....this sucks. My life is not in existence merely to support the U of M Cardiology Center and subsidize their existence! If I had those two months worth of pay back each year I could maybe do stuff I enjoy. Maybe I could actually do something as radical as scrouge up enough $ to fly to Houston to visit my friend Ruthie, or fly to California to see family I haven't seen in a decade. Visit Alaska again and meet Zoya and John's daughter. I might be able to pay for a cab ride home on days I am too tired to walk home and the buses are not running any longer.
  
  But, on the other hand, I am 31 years old, and I should not be having to make these quality of life decisions...deciding whether to forego treatment to have more money to help give me a better quality of life, and so I only have to deal with symptoms from my illnesses, not illness symptoms plus medication side effects plus side effects from being stressed about being broke. Plus, no more dealing with pharmacies and having to declare war on them, have temper tantrums and kick their doors, yell at their techs, etc.
  
  Today I am really feeling the fatigue setting in from too many side effects of multiple medications, too many issues due to my medical conditions, too much stress from being broke, too much extreme stress from having to have no life at all because all of my money goes to keep me alive, etc. I am stressing about how to pay for past medical stuff and future, even more costly, medical stuff. Government aid would not be available to me, as I do not make minimum wage or anything, and work full time and am a single lady with no kids, etc. And I'm not yet sick enough for disability. With my conditions I will probably manage, for most of my life, to stay just well enough to not qualify, while being pretty close to sick enough that I really should be on it.
  
  
• I've also been trying to convince myself to withdraw my investment monies from my retirement funds, but have not been able to bring myself to do so, even though I've been trying to convince myself to do it for the last 6 months. It's just that, breaking into the retirement monies is like this psychological milepost in the road which says "when you reach this point and do this, it is 100% proof that you are acknowledging that you will not live to retirement age, and can you bring yourself to fully acknowledge and own up to that fact now?" I'm having a hard time doing that. I'm also greatly disliking the fact that I'd have to lose so much of my money to taxes and early withdrawal penalties. It's not a tiny sum, but it isn't a real large one, either. But it might be enough to put a sizeable dent in my debt, put some money in the emergency fund, and be enough to higher medical costs related to my probable future defibrillator implant. I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days, but I am still to scared to do this.
  

Yeah. So that's what just the last four days of 2009 have been like. Most of the days prior to this have not been much better. I am feeling pretty cranky and broke and run down and exhausted. Angry and frustrated at the incompetence I've had to deal with lately and tired of the stress that is adding to my life. Wishing that all the money I spent on medication and testing and doctor's visits would make me feel better than I do. Wondering why I keep plodding along on this futile path, not feeling any better, yet tithing vast sums of my income to a medical establishment that knows so little about my main condition they can't even be sure what is the right type of treatment for someone with my illness. I haven't seen my mom for a year, or my stepdad in over 7 years, and I miss them and do not know when I'll get to see them again. If I wasn't so broke, I'd say that at the very least, I think I need a vacation, but I cannot afford that at any time for at least the next two or three years. I would say I should head back to bed and get some more rest and maybe I'd feel a little better, but I have to leave for work in a couple of hours, so that's not possible. I'm tired of being so exhausted and cranky and broke and frustrated. And I really, really hate 2009 so far. I haven't really had a good year since 2005 or 2006. Since then it's all been tons of medical issues and stress and overbearing bosses and quitting stressful jobs in favor of ones I can better do with my issues, yet being more broke as a result, etc., etc. And I'm still sick, and I'm paying tons of money and just keep getting worse and I am hating this.

Strawberries!

What's that in the "Creepy!" bowl??



Our first picking of strawberries for the year! 23 lovely little berries, or 7.2 oz of strawberry goodness.



Both the strawberry plants and the berries themselves are much happier this year with our new protective covering on our small strawberry bed. We'd originally planned to yank out the plants in mid summer and use the space for a fall crop of a different foodstuff instead, but we've changed our minds after seeing how the plants are thriving without chipmunks and squirrels busting in and digging among their roots. And I believe we haven't lost a single berry yet to the vermin. My new bed cover is fabulous! Instead of ripping the plants out, I think I'll encourage the new runners to plant and remove the old crowns as they become less productive. The variety of strawberries I am growing produces less runners than most, but does usually put out an average of one runner for every other plant each year.

I survived inventory (yay!), but did have a run in with the police on the way. Apparently, two very tired and cranky girls in a red Kia pulling into the employee parking lot at a health food store at 1:45 AM are suspicious characters, and obviously there to loot and pillage, not there to count an inventory of 5 million tiny items and record their findings. We received the full flashlight in the eyeballs and "what are you doing here?" queries. Once the policeman realized we weren't a threat he toddled off into the bushes, causing my coworker and I to bust up laughing...apparently our arrival interrupted his potty break...

Puppy Playdate

For those of you who cannot get enough pictures of wild and crazy pups at play, here are some pictures from our playdate at our friend Lauren's house, with her dog Abby. Mostly the pups played, raced and chased, wrassled and nommed on each other, but we did do a tiny bit of training...most notably, Streak was introduced the regulation sized agility tunnel (collapsed down to a shorter, straight tunnel for ease of comprehension):

And after much encouragement, demonstrations by the other dogs, and treat rewards and praise this was the result:



Yay! Streak in the tunnel! So far, she seems to think this agility thing is pretty cool, especially when there are treats and praise involved.

Of course, Clara Bow was not to be outshone by her big sis, and had to show off a little herself, even if the tunnel isn't her favorite piece of equipment:



A girl has to retain her Agility Queen title and cannot let her upstart sister even think she has any aspirations to the crown. Clara Bow is far too competitive to let that happen.

Streak got in quite a few mad sprints and enjoyed herself thoroughly. Clara Bow enjoyed the nomming and wrassling, and Mack enjoyed it all. Much fun was had by all the pups!





















































I'll be MIA in Blogland for the next few days, both in posting and in commenting, as work will be taking over for the next little bit. I'll be working 24 hours in a span of 46 hours. Somehow that doesn't seem like it should be legal, to be scheduled for 50% of all possible hours in a 48 hour span from Saturday afternoon to Monday afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed that I will be able to make it through and will not be passing out as a result...That said, I'm off to set the alarm and attempt a small nap before I have to leave for my shift today, as I did not get as much sleep as I would've liked...

Schedule = Suckage

Tell me what's wrong with this picture?

Meg's Work Schedule:

Sunday, June 7th: 11:30 AM to 8:00 PM
Monday, June 8th: 2:00 AM to 11:00 AM

On Sunday, the last bus leaves my work at before 5:30 PM, therefore I would have to bum a ride off of someone who was leaving work at 8:30 or 9, or I'd have to walk and expect to get home at just before 10 PM. My boss scheduled me for this pair of back to back shifts. Luckily, I managed to find someone to switch with me, so that my time between shifts won't be quite so terribly short, but in my opinion I shouldn't have to scramble to get someone to switch with me. And even my switched shift is really not good enough, as I won't be able to get as much rest as I'd like, as much rest as my body needs. But at least that is better than the schedule I was originally given.

I should not be scheduled such a terrible combination of shifts. In essence, in a time period of 23.5 hours I would've been working 16.5 hours, and had two half hour lunch breaks, leaving me exactly 6 hours to commute, sleep, eat, etc.

I "corrected" my work schedule to make it a more humane combination of shifts, but it is still a pretty bad combo of shifts. Let me just point out that 4 weeks ago I was scheduled to work almost the same shift I am now scheduled. I worked on Sunday until 4 PM and returned the next morning at 2 AM, and after the first 8 work hours of my second work shift went by, I nearly passed out. As in, too little sleep in too short of a period of time, two straight shifts on my feet the whole time, too much work an not enough rest, plus a heart problem meant I was no longer functional. I lost my ability to stand, I went deathly pale, I had chest pain, and had to spend 5 minutes sitting on the floor, as I was incredibly dizzy and felt like I was about to lose consciousness every time I attempted to even kneel, let alone stand. When, after 5 minutes, I was able to finally stand and walk, I could not walk in a straight line, I was so shaky and "off" that I felt like I was walking straight but, instead, kept crashing into walls. I had to be driven home from work when my shift ended half an hour later as I was too shaky still to be sure I could make it to the bus stop, and from my home bus stop to my house. It was incredibly scary.

If it happens again this weekend, especially if it happens when I am scheduled for an inventory shift I was not asked to do, an inventory shift which is one more shift than I was supposed to work (we're all required to work 3 inventory shifts at some point, and I fulfilled my quota last month), i.e., basically an inventory shift I would not have volunteered for, I will have to insist upon calling an ambulance and going to the ER. It felt that scary.

With my low ejection fraction, my heart problems, tachycardia, irregular heartbeat, etc., it doesn't pay to try to be a "good girl" and go back to work instead of getting it checked out if I have another episode like this. With my heart function being below normal, and yet my heart is already having to work super hard, harder than the average heart due to structural abnormalities, just to keep me alive, it doesn't do to put undue, extra stress on it. But, since I am required to put this extra stress on it, due to terrible scheduling of shifts I did not volunteer for, and cannot opt out of, I pretty much plan to raise a bit of a stink if I start to show signs of potentially serious health problems as a result. When you have lower than normal ejection fractions, serious heart problems like Non-Compaction Syndrome, plus tachycardia and arrythmias, the odds are way too high that you might not be able to push the heart back into a normal rhythm when it gets out of wack (hence the need to a defibrillator, as I mentioned earlier), so this is not something I am going to mess around with. If I feel like crap, I will demand to leave to preserve my health, and deal with the work-related consequences later, if necessary.

As it is, I am really, incredibly worried about how I am going to manage the "improved" schedule I have now that I switched with my coworker. It is not enough rest time/away from work time over a 3 day period, but the lack of rest/downtime between shifts is more evenly spread. In theory I should be able to handle it, but after last month's episode I am,understandably, a little freaked out and worried. This is what my revised schedule looks like:

Saturday, June 6th: 2:45 PM to 10:30 PM (then walk home, so arrive home between 12:10 AM & 12:30 AM)

Sunday, June 7th: 9 AM to 4:30 PM (no bus in the AM, and for my cardiovascular health I am not doing any non-manditory exercise right before my crazy shift combo, so I have to leave at 7:40 AM in order to catch a ride in to work with Nicole...and my bus home is at 5:26 PM, so I'll be getting home around 6 PM)

Monday, June 8th: 2 AM to 11 AM (my ride to work will pick me up at around 1:45 AM & she'll be giving me a ride home after we both work inventory, so I should be home at around 11:15 AM. That is, as long as inventory doesn't run significantly later than usual. I'mtechnically scheduled to work 2 AM to 10 AM, but we have been required to work until at least 11 AM each month so far, so I am anticipating that'll be the case this time as well...but it might be longer...)

Keep your fingers crossed that I'll be OK and will manage to make it through! I know people my age should not have serious problems with wacky schedules, and we should be able to work them and have the biggest problem be that we're really tired and cranky, but I am just not that lucky. And I am really worried about this combination of shifts. Even though my new beta blocker (Carvedilol, AKA Coreg, for those of you playing at home) is fabulous and makes me feel signficantly better, it is not a wonder drug. It will not make me become a healthy lady. I am still sick, and I still have to be extremely vigilant to keep myself healthy enough to get by.

Posessed!

Clara Bow, in the backyard this evening. She manages to make any mundane activity look really weird, even just doing a quick shake.

A Bit o' Housekeeping

A quick note...I will be working 7 out of the next 9 days and I ended up with a rather disappointing work schedule which conflicts pretty badly with my city's bus system. As a result I will be walking home from work 5 days during this 9 day period and walking to work one day, leaving me with only one workday in which I can take the bus both to and from work. As a result, I will be online rather spottily, especially since I still have some significant garden work to get done. If I'm MIA at times on blog comments, Facebook, or Twitter, don't be surprised.

That said, I better head off to bed as I have to leave for work in less than 6 hours...